Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
