Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
