it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
