Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
