please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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