ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We left the knife in your bed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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