Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
