so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
