We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
