i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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