Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
