i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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