It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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