genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
