Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
a search helicopter?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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