omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
