Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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