She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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