I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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