i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
