I wish i was in the wii world.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You need Xanax blowdarts
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
