I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
