I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
