So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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