just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
