I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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