i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
