Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
