We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
