i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
