i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
