Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
