Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
