dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am midnight drunk by noon
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
