genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
