you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
