Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
