Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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