dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
