It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
