I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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