So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
