I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
