i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
