Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
