Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Rumble strips road head = magical
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
