well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
