What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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