she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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