if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
