I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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