I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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