Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
