if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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