i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
