in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
