new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
