I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
