What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
