Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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