We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
