...so i touched it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
