I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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