Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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