I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
babies were throwing up all over the place
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
