I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
