It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
