lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
