Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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