I like to think it a success when the cops are called
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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