My room smells like vodka and shame
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
