I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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