Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
