I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
