white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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