I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
