I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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