just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
