so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
