Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
