oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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