Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
