I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Randomize