She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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