Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
