I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
