He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
