I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
