I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
