Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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