Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
