Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
