I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
