i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
