She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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