He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
