i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
