So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
