Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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