I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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