lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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