We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
